We are the brave

 alright, I wasnt going to go into details, but I will give a quick lowdown on my trauma journey, as identification with another persons story can be the most healing thing of all.. either you will indentify with my journey, or realise, oh, you’re trauma is very different to mine, and you need further indentification with someone else..  in which case, I hope you find that space dear sister/brother!

  

My starseed trauma timeline; the classic starseed childhood; narcissistic parent left me pretty much borderline personality with ptsd - no idea what real parenting is leaves its own kind of brain damage..  debilitating and traumatic life-long chronic health condition, always knew I didnt belong in the matrix, sensed the darkness, aware of demons from an early age..  hung up in the new age thinking for a while, later on touched the edge of madness and needing an exorcism after mistakenly joining a corrupted goddess cult, (although was also a mission), complex ptsd, dealt with the demonic at the core of that, before spending a year saving myself from a tsunami of darkness having opened a wrong ‘door’ (A dangerous but important initiation), nearly didnt withstand feeling the energies of the dark ones torture rooms (and appalling cellular remembrance of past lives when I was in those places), twin flame saga, homelessness, trauma of the darks 3D nonsense ramping up (lockdowns, vaccines) having to rely on the evil state when my soul needs a green valley somewhere, off grid, and a beach, just to be able to breathe..  far too easy to target me when already spiritually targetted..  watching all my loved ones take the vaccine, ALL of them, trying to save my own life when needing an operation but knowing hospital would be the end of me..  stress induced brain injury, functioning low mentally and physically, no resilience left for stress and no desire to continue living through hell.. meanwhile the insanity is all around… ALL around..  zombies, everywhere, 15 minute cities, the next false flag, government spying, poisoned air, water, food, wifi..  somethings yoga don't fix.  

I have no idea how I am alive, and I know many, many star seeds are in similar situations; extensive trauma from many lifetimes, dangerous missions, being targetted, losing their minds or close to.  There are many who have endured worse than I, some survived, many fallen.   

We are the brave who came here to end darkness once and for all.  There is a time for us; to be seen for all we have really achieved.  There is a time for healing, proper healing, when we can finally rest, and restore, and feel beauty again, be with our beloved God and Goddess again, in the intimate way we intrinsically know - not the greatly reduced way the limited channels to this planet allow.  

 It is not easy being one of us - one of the severely traumatised starseeds.  we tend not to be the ones building pretty goddess temples, or turning up for a cute mainstream mass meditation, or the cacoa ceremony that may or may not be run by a dark witch.  We do not have the capacity, nor any social nicety left, we cannot commit our energy to much at all for we do not know how much energy we will have or when we will have it.  If we were animals, we would be the severely disturbed ones, not fit to be kept in the shelter, who will only survive if a veterinary nurse takes us home with them, to somewhere quieter and peaceful where we receive a huge amount of tender loving care whilst we stare into space wide eyed and trembling.

..accept of course we are not animals and there is no shelter for us - unless we want ot risk a psyche ward and all the darkness that can creep in there - so we limp along, trying to create our own healing with the powers we know so well but seem so far from us when we are in survival mode.  

And we still here, God damn it.  Even a traumatised star seed is a bright star on earth.  we hold the light.  we hold the light.  

For those who read cobra.. he mentioned (last year?) St Germaine taking command of the surface liberation, and one of the first things he did was to remove 80% of traumatised starseeds from the solar system, freeing up the remaining 20% to really get on with the work.  Now, I suspect, if he had been able to also remove star seeds directly from the surface, at least 80% of us would no longer be here either!  ..including the most traumatised and the most bent this way and that by the dark leading other starseeds astray..  however.. we are still here, and I'm damned if I'll be one to hold back liberation in anyway (whilst VERY compassionate at how we HAVE been contorted this way and that and virtually all of us at some point unwittingly played into the darks hands) 

Be relieved, fellow lightworkers who are walking the easier path - we thank you for all you are building.  Honour your health, your energy, it is precious!  Adore every day what you can do, and achieve, and do all you can!   And please remember us, and our sacrific, so the new earth could be built.  And when the ships come, and we traumatised ones limp aboard and finally are met with our true healing, and return as though no time has passed at all.. we’ll join you, having remembered how to smile again.  

image by 'Pexels' from pixabay   

Beware the seducers; corrupted new age leaders

 I was reminded of that particular flavour of new age teacher who has been corrupted by the dark.. you know, the kind of person telling us all the world is a reflection of us, and only change our thinking and feelings and 'poof', the world is as we wish it to be, all nasties gone.  gone gone.  I'll not mention names, there is no need, they are usually easy to spot, and Im not making this personal; I have been that woman in my past! But spotting them is crucial if we are not to stray from our own essential path! 

Many of these corrupted new age 'leaders' live in lala land, presenting a perfect life, teaching enough truth to seduce mixed in with enough lies to paralyse.  Starseeds become trapped in a vastly smaller life, and mission, than the one intended for them.  Many of these leaders do not acknowledge 'the dark' at all, or the true nature of evil. Some however, do acknowledge the dark (and are therefore perhaps better equipped to confuse people).  These leaders speak of the extent of the darkness on this planet, including underground bases full of atrocities, but still they persist with their nice neat equation; to carry on living with their sweet manifested existence far over there, trusting all the darkness will go ‘poof’ for everyone else too as soon as everyone else realises their manifesting power.

Ignorant are these souls of the lightwarriors doing all the dirty work, for darkness does not transmute on its own!  The lightwarriors doing the dirty work are the only reason the la-la land spiritual leaders get to live in their delusional bubble of comfort..  along with the dark sides support of said bubble!  The dark side rubs their hands together with glee; another potential powerhouse taken out of the game.  

I was listening to one such woman and I could suddenly see the truth in more detail; whereas some of these spiritual leaders might be actual dark souls themselves, or empty vessels perhaps, most I suspect, like the woman I speak of, are beings of light lead down the garden path.  The information that came to me on this particular woman was that she had been a great power of light, who in a past life had  experienced the appalling depths of the darkness on this planet.  Now I know myself what it takes to reach down into THAT level of trauma and survive.  And I can tell you - a jaded goddess it doth make!!  So how can I berate this woman for not endangering herself by truly dealing with her shadow if her trauma is so deep?  Would I wish on her where I am?  absolutely not.. but I do not wish for her soul to be co-opted by the dark, as it now is, spreading the lie that if only we think positively, we are rescued from the clutches of all discomfort and darkness, and can sit idle on a mountainside, counting our manifested treasures and languishing in our ever growing self esteem through preeching to all those below us who would like some treasure too.  

A whole generation of star seeds have sat idle, in the belief they only had to think positively and they too could live in a mountain penthouse, never harmed again, ignore the bloodbath below.  

The dark played on our deepest trauma - we have all experienced far far too much pain, over eons - of course we wanted an out!  Of coures we did.  Of course we wanted to feel IN CONTROL, and never at the mercy of the dark again.

I imagine this woman would have been a truly great light had she not been co-opted by the dark.  She might have been teaching people how to truly handle the darkness, and step INTO their missions, not escape onto the nearest mountain lift.  (ps, the mountain is a useful, crucial place for respite, I am not berating anyone who needs time there!!  Nor am I berating anyone whose mission is to be a leader in the 'lighter' end of the spiritual community, this is not what Im talking about)

Im so angry.  Im so angry.  Angry because I can still fall into my childhood trauma of imagining for one moment this kind of woman IS better than me, and DOES know the way, and then I wake up and feel the reality... the energy SHE is giving off  is that she knows something I don’t, and has something I don’t, and I must follow her to get it.  That I am lesser - of course - and stupid, to have not realised what she has realised.  Sound familiar?  Welcome to the pied pipers of the corrupted new age movement.  The anger wakes me up.  I return to my adult state  - which I can now do after lot of painful recovery extracting myself from the kind of childhood that makes you a perfect slave to such pied pipers - I remember; OH, I can just see her for what and who she is, and not receive that.  It is true we 'create our reality', and life 'reflects' who we are - but in a corrupted world run by darkness, who is going to benefit most by contorting these spiritual truths into a blindfold for all the starseeds who would otherwise turn their attention TO the darkness and end all suffering in a day with their collective intent and spiritual warfare knowhow?!!!!  (Just as we turn attention to our own internal wounds if we wish to heal them!)

So, to this spiritual 'leader', and all of her kind I say; no honey, I will not fall for your false jewels today, your shiny spiritual career, the smart suit, the smile, the bank balance, the apparent abundance..  A fools golden mansion, with a shadow out the backyard the size of a state.  And I send you honouring for who you really are, courage for healing, and all blessings as we all move through and beyond the darks manipulations and out the other side to the new world.  No more glass ceilings on the infinite nature of the human spirit! 

Thin skinned

 

I do genuinely write this blog cautiously.  perhaps too cautiously.  Though I imagine what I write here is how a huge number of us feel.  I do not wish to open portals of fear for anyone. anyone..  Only to commiserate with all those who have already seen the terrors and there is no unseeing.  Hopefully we can speak what 'must not be spoken' and finally heal together.  I say the terrors - anything and everything we have seen that is so utterly horrifyingly dark our souls nearly did not escape it.  I know lightwarriors who are better built for that kind of thing..  thick skin, a different breed.  I am not one of those.  I am a highly sensitive.

Perhaps the Goddess must send in some highly sensitives to stand beside the warriors, just to truly grasp the magnitude of the darkness and what it truly does to the innocents, so the Goddess knows forever more, understands ALL the darks false dimensions, from all her consciousness, so evil never festers unseen ever again.  

This is not a blog for information.  Info - both real and false - is abound.  At best, this will be a blog of emotional alchemy.  Assisting the healing of the emotional body.

Some would berate me for ‘dwelling’ on the darkness, 'raise your vibration!' I hear them cry.  We are naturally high vibration - what we must do is release the darkness that keeps us down, and we do not do that through wishful thinking, ignoring, denying.  

One thing I have learn in life.. for many of us, a spiritual clearing, or healing, or past life regression, is not enough..  we must speak our pains, we must grieve, wail, unleash.  native cultures know plenty about this..  professional wailers, helping each other into and back out of the waters of grief, and we must, we must go in!   It is how we operate, as emotional beings, grief is what keeps us human, grief is what lets us pour out the puss of our spiritual and emotional woundings until the wounds are clear and clean and we are well again - not untouched, not unchanged, but well again. 

yes yes, advanced healing to  come will dramatically speed up this progress, until there is nothing left to heal, and grief will be at most a tiny thing and largely not needed for the world will be all ease and rightness and transparancy and eternal life again..  but right now we are in the old human bodies with the old emotions and we have to do what we can!!

Us highly sensitives are different to the hardened built-for-it lightwarriors, the Arcturian types..  who by the way I notice are often on a certain degree of the autistic spectrum; a particularly tough degree, perhaps part of the necessary armourment, but I do not know enough about that to really comment, only a noticing.  They are tough, for sure.  They really do just whip out a spiritual surgery on themselves and get on with the next horrifying mission.  When veteran soldiers vomit at the sight of some of the things we lightworkers know about and deal with in the spiritual..    bless all the soldiers, on the ground and in the ethers!! bless them Goddess, bless them with everything you have, may the best of heaven be theirs!!  

So I, different to a lightwarrior, though of course I use every trick and tool they have; must speak my pain . This is progress for me.  I have been frozen for some years, staring into space.  Stuck, beside-myself, brain-not-functioning, horrified.  Yes, life continued, minor projects completed, matrix-life taken care of, well, just..  I functioned just enough to get the help to function.. but beneath all that, frozen, so fucking frozen.  

And THIS is what it important!  Are you frozen too my friend?  In the pepetual scream?! Found out too much, felt too much, experienced too much, seen too much?!!!  

Then I honour YOU.  WE are the ones who write history going forward, and it is we, who will fulfil the potential of those sacred words, words only fulfilled by those who looked at the truth of the horror despite the cost to themselves, and promised to always remember the horror despite cost to themselves; despite the lightworkers on the light end berating us to ‘let it go’, those sacred words;

Never Again.  

In all times, all spaces, all dimensions, all existences, all universes and multiverses, in all of being-ness and christendom, in all of life and beyond life;

Never Again.  

Surviving as a traumatised starseed

Im not sure I have anything useful to say.  Saying anything seems pointless..  too jaded to be a voice of positivity and moral boosting and hope, too cynical to comment on anything to do with modern life including the psy-op'd truther community.. heartbroken over too many things.. over too too many things.  I don’t need to list those things, only that..  yes God has got me, but no, God is not infallible in this dark world (which is why WE are here, on Gods behalf!) ..and the darkness takes out souls in appalling ways every day.  see?  I question if my voice is helpful.  I don’t want to frighten.  I want to scream.  The perpetual scream.  

Yet I lay down my fear of frightening people, because there is something more important.. to reach those people whom, like me, are in, or have been in, the pepetual scream, too heartbroken.

what courage can I offer?  None.  I have none.  I have seen the darkness take out soul after soul, as it so nearly did mine as well.  I am not stronger than those who were taken.  I don’t know what I am.  I just am..  heartbroken, soul broken.  

I knew, with the nth trauma, the kind of healing I needed was not of this world.  If I could make it to planetary liberation, then I would recieve this healing.  yes yes, it is important to ‘believe’; believe i could piece together my healing with the rags and dust about me, but there is also knowing with a big K, and I knew.. my healing, healing this body, this soul, would likely not happen until liberation brought higher light, and authentic med beds.  

I used to trust in my words and my voice, I used to feel God nudging me to express myself, like a patient mother with a child..  yet now.. I have knowledge too dense, and too difficult, all niavety gone.  

I have absolutely no interest in anyones opinion on my words..  those utterly limiting things I wish I did not have to use words at all, for they limit truth and feeling so terribly..   Other peoples opinions, judgements, fixing hold no interest to me..   just sit with me, and see if you can feel who and what I am, and what I might actually be saying, and I promise to do the same for you - sit with your loudly silent response.. may I hear your own pepetual scream, your heartache, your most bitter grief.  Let us sit with one another, and offer up all our so-human, and so-divine grief to the Goddess, whose sweet embrace can hold it all, and more.  If the darkness touched on their own grief for a nano-second..  well.  game over.  

For those of you reading this who find some value in my words, well..  you will not be the ones to jump to heady words anyway, and we shall sit and know one another, in this horror, and in our knowing of one another, we bring God here - to this horror - God unafraid and carrying us home.  

With what is left of my soul after almost being anihilated by the darkness, I join fellow light warriors in dismantling the darkness in the spiritual realms, (what such brutal initiations prepared me for) ..for who can stay on a planet for one moment having FELT the torture the children go through, (please keep your emotional bodies safe from such entanglement) ..without spontaneously combusting, or the soul ejecting itself, or doing the unthinkable and trying to make staying here berable by picking up sword and shield and banshee cry in their name?  It is dangerous work.  

Today I strived for more sanity, grew sick of feeling depressed at the state of the sky, and decided to no longer hate the sun blockers.  Its not easy.  With the effects of so much physical and emotional trauma I wade through every day, trying to desperately stay sane with it all, the last thing I need is for some cretin of a vampire to block out the one fucking thing that might make me feel bearably better - the sun.  feeling better means showing up for my missions - feeling better means getting this shitshow ended, once and for all.  

When you have felt levels of darkness beyond comprehension - the spiritual equivalent of stepping in a nuclear blast - and trying to recover yourself in a self-made intensive care..  on top of the long list of psyche-destroying traumas of being on an occupied dark planet, it is not easy to accept the removal of the suns rays from your wounded, painful existence.  The pepetual scream demands a cry of ‘I CANNOT TAKE THIS AS WELL!!’.

Sigh.  And yet.  Trying to cradle this painful, wounded self in the arms of the higher; wanting, needing, to get to higher ground, and not through dismissing, pretending, denying but in a sustainable, real way..  I manage to accept, for a day, that those non-humans in human suits orchestrating the blocking out the sun - are terrified.  They are panicking, and terrified, and desperate, for the sun, in all her magnificent spiritual, physical, metamorphical existence, channelling ever higher light frequencies to earth - is indeed here to wipe out these false non-human psychopaths.  I would be terrified to.  I would be pouring my money and best psy-ops into blocking out the 'threat'.   

 

When I miss the sun, I remember..

 I AM the sun!   

I AM 

the sun that lays waste to all evil, 

I am the eternal infinite sun, 

the eternal life, 

all warmth and comfort and divinity 

pours from within ME!!  

So, to those feeble, dark, terrified ones - who are not unlike the painful festering wounds in my own soul i must remember - I do not envy your path..   the amount of darkness in my own path, leading to where I am, was so very much more than enough to bear.  You, psychopaths, endured more than your soul could bear, and then the deeper contortions began, the complete inversion of self, the complete separation from source.  You are monsters, in need of taking out with a tranquiliser gun from a helicopter, to be put out of your misery.  Which is of course, what Source intends to do, and is doing..  with the etheric version of a tranquiliser gun from a helicopter.  
The art is in holding to account these monsters for all the heinous crimes against God/life/self/everything, with appropriate divine rage, AND not confuse divine rage with self-harming bitterness and resentment.  Divine rage is armour for Gods work, bitterness and resentment is armour against ones own healing, to be removed - gently - when ready. 

I send love..  to the sun blockers and poison spreaders, all those psychopaths, human and non, running the dark matrix..   I send you love.  I do not care if you wish to be sent love, or deserve it.. I send you love.  Not from some spiritual bypass place.. I know what you are.. beings who would rip me to shreds given the chance, and oh how you tried..  who would torture me for eons just to convince me torture was eternal and to finally break my spirit so to mirror your own and make me a servant of the dark..  so I do not send love lightly, I do not send love naively, and I do not send love unsafely..  

I send love because I remember your souls as wee ones, at the beginning of time, before the anomaly, before the utterly tragic, appalling, unnecessary, wasteful, hateful infintestimal moment that the experiment of life went astray and all this.. ALL THIS.. evil came into miscreation.  

I send love because it is the only answer

I send love because it is love that rips through your being and holds you aloft, like a punch to the withered remains of your heart, it is love that ignores your screams of ‘pain’ and protest, for you believe so strongly light is painful to you it has become so.. I send love because love is what ENDS THIS.  

No more tortured little ones.  No more tortured dark souls running this planet.  No more inverted life.  No more suffering.  

It was never meant to be this way.  

yes the dark have programmed us with all kinds of beliefs.. so we would believe in suffering!  ..believe suffering is required, believe it is needed, and so miscreate it lifetime after lifetime.  I have no time for anyone who propegates such lies anymore.  Enough.  Anyone who believes suffering is necessary has NOT suffered..  not in the biblical sense of the word suffering, not in the ‘met a hornets nest of demons slicing up babies souls’ sense of the word suffering.  

The great mistake is over.  

Pepetual scream, let me unburden my pain, return to usefulness, take my place as a soldier of light, not a wounded one in the field hospital tent, little able to do more than throw a few sparks of light through the tent opening and cheer on my comrades, and hope my anger and wounds do not slow them down..  I want my soul intact, my mission clear, and to witness.. to WITNESS..  Gaia restored to her magnificence!  To know.. no soul, ever ever again, shall know suffering.  

Pixabay Image Credits:
woman warrior - icsilviu

Sun - Jill Wellington 
Dove - Geralt